Matt Damon is coming to kick your ass: "The Bourne Ultimatum"

“Fuck the CIA” seems to be a central theme of The Bourne Ultimatum – fuck them because they are powerful, they have no scruples and it’s only a matter of time before they turn on us. Of course, in an increasingly paranoid climate, Ultimatum isn’t the first movie (or, you know, newscast…) to suggest that the government is watching you – and the lengths to which they go in the film sometimes verge on patently ridiculous – but I still checked my mirror every few seconds on the ride home to make sure I wasn’t being followed.

Ultimately, though, no one is watching this movie to learn about the CIA – they’re watching to see Matt Damon be a badass and, on that count, Ultimatum doesn’t disappoint. Let’s just put it this way – I think it’s pretty safe to say that Jason Bourne would make James Bond shit his pants. Not only is the man brilliant and deadly, but he’s damn near invincible – over the course of the movie, Bourne gets tossed through the air, blown up and thrown through enough plate glass to window a large office building, and he walks away with barely a scratch. And don’t even get me started on the devastating car wrecks (let’s just say seat-belts are key) or the time he savagely beats a guy with a hardbound book before strangling him to death with his bare hands, or I might just have an orgasm.

And that’s The Bourne Ultimatum in a nutshell: If action movies were porn, it would be one long money shot. The acting is great (the supporting cast includes Albert Finney, David Strathairn, Joan Allen, Scott Glenn and the ever-lovely Julia Stiles), and the writing is smart (take note, Live Free or Die Hard) but, in the end, the ass-whooping-to-dialogue ratio is about 10:1 which, as far as I’m concerned, is right about where it should be.

So if you like living on the edge of your seat, this is a can’t-miss. If not, I hear good things about The Nanny Diaries. Pansy.