1. Reality Television -- Why can't I stop watching this shit? I know it's bad for me -- I can actually FEEL my IQ drop a few points every time Bret Michaels expounds on the spiritual needs of rock stars (incidentally, did you know that "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" was written in a Dallas laundromat about a stripper? Wikipedia, bitches!) or one of the meatheads from "The Real World" swears that he's not going to cheat on his girlfriend with the half-naked chick draped across his lap in the hot tub (of course you're going to cheat on your girlfriend, you're on "The Real World" and it's in your contract. Fine print, bitches!) -- and yet I cannot bring myself to look away. Same goes for any list show on VH1 where they get a bunch of second-rate comedians and washed-up rock stars to make snide comments about the 70's, 80's or 90's -- leave that to the professionals, Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray.
2. Taboo -- I don't care what anyone says about a bunch of people sitting in a circle and yelling at each other being a "bonding" experience, any game that comes with a giant buzzer you're supposed to use on people when they make a mistake is intended to make you feel bad about yourself. So I used "weather" to describe "equator," at least I'm not ugly. That's right...I called you ugly.
3. Peer Pressure -- Yes, you ARE much cooler than I am, drunk/high/naked friend. Now go fuck yourself.
4. Internet Dating -- Getting rejected in person is bad enough, but getting rejected by a bunch of people you've never even met is just plain embarrassing. What, you're desperate enough to spend your night filling out a compatibility profile, but not enough to let me buy you dinner? Excuse me while I cry myself to sleep.
5. Chocolate milk -- Actually, chocolate milk makes me feel great about myself. I just wanted to end on a high note.
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